Surveillance Most Boring
(A Fake Excerpt)
Nobody saw me climb the fence. Bertha, my little buggy was parked at a safe distance from the road. And, I was operating under a thin layer of dusk, wearing Fall colors. Just to blend in. I made my way around the side of the house and settled in the bushes. Ask anybody, detective work ain’t always pretty or glamorous. Especially for the amateur, un-paying kind. I think I sat there for a couple of hours playing games on my phone. Volume: off --- of course. Periodically, I checked my email, voicemail and texts. No calls from Mr. Cutie Pie Harrison. Not even a text. Wonder what I would have to do to get him to send me a “selfie.” Hmph. Think I actually know what I’d have to do. Not doing that. Well, maybe. Oh, yeah. Battery usage. I might end up having to call for help. Couldn’t very well do that with a dead phone.
My phone blipped off and I was stuck sitting there holding the tiniest, most expensive piece of modern day technology that was now useless to me. Nobody said surveillance was easy. Now, I would have to entertain myself. Maybe I needed to rattle off the list of suspects in my head again. I had my suspicions about who might turn up to take the bait. It’s a good thing everybody thought I was a nobody. If they hadn’t, nobody would have started talking, inadvertently supplying me with all those handy little things called “clues.” Clues add up and sometimes they point directly to a suspect.
And, that’s how I ended up trespassing on an exclusive estate. Spying on some bitter old queen --- who obviously knew how to make a decent cocktail, I might add. A car pulled up in the distance. A very expensive car with a missing tail light. My breath caught and my heart fluttered with excitement. I moved forward, parted a couple of branches and watched this mystery come together.
Damn, I’m good.